MTMTE TRANSGORMERS BEACH BASH
by xxXkawaiitechnocupcakerobotXxx
Summary: Tarn pines for Megatron...Will he get his wish?
1. Chapter 1

Tarn looked in the mirror, blushing so hard that you could see the flush of energon through his mask. He donned a protoform-tight purple bikini which was covered in stars and decepticon symbols and music notes. His chassis was shiny, like Sirius A, and he was wearing perfume that smelled like warlord musk (megatron's designer brand). "Are you sure he isn't too busy, Kaon?" The justice division leader looked over to his inferior, who shrugged.

"It's as good as any shot you're going to get, Tarn," the electric chair elaborated and sat down on a nearby counter.

"Do you think he'll find my appearance appealing?" Tarn asked, worry in his voice.

"I'm blind," Kaon responded.

"Fine, spare my feelings, then," Tarn exited the changing room in a huff, the energon still not leaving his mask/face.

Outside, Earth's sun was a deadly laser, but in a good way. The entire crew of the LL was splashing around in the freshwater, stealing the entire beach for themselves after telling the stupid, ugly humans to go be disgusting and fleshy somewhere else. It was great, just what he always wanted.

As tarn fidgeted with the lower half of his (super cute) bikini, he thoguht aobut how they all got here. It was simple, really. After seeing that his hero and senpai, Megatron, was captain of the lost light and clearly using all of the pathetic crew aboard, Tarn suggested they all take a vacation from their journey to find some old knights who are probably dead. A vacation on earth. One of the hottest tourist destinations in the galaxy. Who doesn't love Earth, and spending time around fleshies for hundreds of years? Tarn certainly does.

He looked all the way across the beech, past all of the worthless drabble, to goggle at Megatron lying on the sand, attempting to get his tan on. The beefy, handsome, ruggishly old tyrant was wearing nothing but a tight cybertronian speedo. He might as well have been flashing his interface panel tantalizingly in Tarn's face and begging the psychologically broken mech to tear it open.

Tarn fell to his knee joints. "Primus fragging Christ…" he wisppered aloud. How was he going to get someone so handsome and salacious to notice him?

Just then, both Optimus AND Rodimus prime walked over to Megatron and sat on his abdomen anf face respectively. When did OPTIMUS get there? He wasn't invited?! Tarn didn't plan this!

Megatron must have invited him- everybody knows that Megatron has had the hots for Optimus ever since they met at six lasers and were trapped on the ferris wheel together. Now tarn was PISSED. This was supposed to be _his_ moment with Megatron, not anybody else's! He took a long piece of paper out of his pocket (which was inside his bikini), and crossed out Optimus and Rodimus' names only to put them at the very top of the list.

This.

Meant.

WAR.

In the meantime, Whirl shook his hips at Cyclonus, who was refusing to get int he water. They too were wearing bikinies, which were colored after eachother's color schemes. Tailgate sat on Cyclonus's shoulders, wearing a pastel blue bikini covered in stars, he had passed out.

"COME ON, FUCKPLANE, THE WATER'S FINE," Whirl exclamed

"No, it's not," Cyclonus said, sounding extra pompous (but still very musical) today.

"WHYYYYYYY," Whirl tried to splash Cyclonus, but the water went through his thin claws.

"This water is homophobic; I can sense it," The tall not-decepticon replied, kicking sant at the shoreline.

"No WAY, is it homophobic, I'm still in i-" just then, Whirl was rapidly pulled under, and Cyclonus sighed in relief, walking away from where Whirl had been standing.

Whirl was never seen again.

Cyc walked over to Swerve, who passed out in the sand after faceplanting during the obligatory volleyball scene. The taller kicked the minibot, flipping his body over. Swerve shook his head, his optics finally turning online. Swerve was wearing footie pajamas. He was probably dying of mechanical heatstroke, but he felt cute, so everybody let him wear them anyways.

"What do you need, Cyclonus?" he questioned.

"I'm bored," Cyclonus said.

"Well what do you want me to do about it?" Swerve shot back.

"Come annoy Perceptor with me?" Cyclonus gave Swerve the most adorably intimidating set of puppy dog eyes the minibot ever saw in his life.

"Okay," Swerve said, resigned.

Perceptor sat in the shade, having brought almost his entire lab with him, becuase he didn't want to go to the beach and actually wanted to stay on the ship and be a nerd. But nobody else wanted that. He was wearing both a bikini and swim shorts, because he wanted to be extra safe on the beach. He was messing around with some chemical compounts, when Cyclonus and Tailgait and Swerve approached.

"What are you doing, nerd," Cyclonus conjured.

"Nothing you'll understand, you useless lesbian," Perceptor shot back. He was obviously irritated to be at the beach.

"Well, what does that vial do?" Swerve pointed at the test tube before grabbing it and shaking it a little bit.

Perceptor was immediately alarmed, "Dont' DO THAT, you'll-"

An explosion occurred.

But it wasn't anywhere near the four!

They all looked to see Tarn blasting away at Optimus and Rodimus, all while singing Queen's _Another One Bites the Dust._ His shots were in rhythym with the song.

"Wow he's good," Cyclonus said, little hearts forming in his optics. "Now _I_ must sing in order to assert my dominance," he continued, digging a hole in the ground and placing tailgate in it so he would be safe. Then Cyclonus walked towards the impending disaster.

"So, uh, what does this chemical do again?" Swerve asked, when suddenly the tube begam bubbling over onto his hand.

"It's a living corrosive," Perceptor said calmly as his friend's hand promptly began to melt off (the chemicals laughing evilly while doing so).

Back at the catfight, Megatron watched tiredly as everyone who cared about him proceeded to splash energon on the sand. This was enough. He started prying Tarn off of Optimus, after getting Rodimus to stop using fire everywhere first, of course. "Femmes, femmes, you're all pretty," he said.

"REALLY?!" Tarn squealed, the blushies returning.

"Really?" Optimus said, his antennae things chipped and his mask cracked. His optic was bledding.

"Yes, all of you," Megatron stated firmly.

"Me too?" Rodimus said with a puppy dog look.

"Yes," Said Megatron kissing rodimus on the head.

Tarn growled. "But you belong to ME," he placed his hands on his hips.

"No," Megatron said, walking closer and grabbing Tarn by the waist, pulling him close, his voice a deep purr, " _You_ belong to _me._ " He let Tarn go, and the DJD leader plopped onto the ground, a dumbfounded look on his face. His spike had somehow already unsheathed and pressurized, painfully contained by the lovely bikini.

"Any other questions?" Megatron asked, a smug look on his face.

"Yeah! Why are you such a _glitch?"_ A shrill voice said. Megatron turned around, fear in his optics, when suddenly Starscream crashed into the warlord at a million miles per hour. And…. _He wasn't wearing any clothes._

Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit! What'll happen next? Review to find out.


	2. SING OFF

Starscream strutted along the peach side, Megatron still swallowing down the sand that his former SIC had crammed into his intake. Tarn shook in _**rage**_ at this unforgivable disrespect. If Megatron hadn't banned Starscream from being on The List, he would have been slaughtered mercilessly ages ago, probably two seconds after he joined.

"Listen up, _lads_ ," the screechmaster said, looking Tarn directly in the bikini tit (because he's short). "I came all the way from Cybertron to free you of your little _infestation_ ," he sneered, casually snapping Tesaurs's's bikini strap, "but you'll owe me for it!"

"Infestation?" Kaon questioned, nervous.

"THESE," Starscream screeched, grabbing Optimus prime by the swim trousers and yanking them off of him. Everybody gasped!

"Those were my _favorites!_ " Optimus exclamated.

"Uh, wait, wrong ones, I mean THESE" Starscream started tearing Cylonus's bikini off when it suddenly had eyes. They spoke in a deep voice, "What do you think you are meddling with, you wretch?"

Starsneer sneered. "You see? You see?! YOU SEE?/ You're all being mind controlled and **IM** the only one who can save you!" He jabbed his servo in the direction fo the bini and looked at the others for validation.

Nobody thought he was valid, however.

"What are you jabbering about, starscream?" Megatron grubmed, finally getting on his feet. He was all sandy and his boxers looked up at Starscream. "This was our one vacation day allowed to us by cubertron! Why are you ruining it!? I was going to get _laid_ by three mechs at once!"

" _ **Really!?**_ ", Rodimus, Optimus, and Tarn simultaneously said (but only Tarn was unenthusiastic- Megpai was HIS, goddamnit!)

"Really", Megatron said, crossing his arms and looking very buff and handsome.

Starscream was ready to purge his fuel tanks, he was pissed. Absolutely mifffed, right completely gotdamn ANGERY. His chest fans were whirring because if they didn't hed probably start smoking.

"UGHH", he screamed.

"FINE, YOURE MORONS SO ILL BE RIGHT BACK", he stomped away.

Back to the dramma the _really_ matters, what we're all here for, to see Tarn tear his owl cosplay off to lick Megsies's neck cables. Kaon pulled on Tarn's arm to get the big boy's attention.

"This is yoru chance! Get him before the others do!"

"YES," Tarn blasted, prancing up to megatron's side.

"Meggy, you can do so much better than these losers, please," he begged, "I'm bigger! I'm purple! I'm not a fucking bitchass wimp whoo wants to talk to governments instead of killing them! You have GOT to pick me only, _pleeeeeeeease?"_

Megatron stroked his robot goatee. "Hmm, I mean-"

"Shut up and stop what you're doing!" Cyclonus stepped forward and met Tarn chest to chest, "I challenge you….To a _sing off_."

Tarn froze…..Suddenly, Kaon sent him a comms message

K: do it.

T: why?

K: just do it. You'll impress megatron! Also you're hottest when you sing because I don't have eyes.

T: True….Megatron _would_ like to see me crush an autobob….Then he'll fuck me…

K:So DO IT.

[[Back in real time]]

"I'll do it," Tarn said, in a manly and cool manner. Cyclonus looked like he was about to do a happy dance.

Lucky for them, the beach had a stge on it big enough for the cybertronins. The mechas were all still wearing their bikinies, but this time they had cute frills and flowers decorating all of them. Cyclonus had high heels and a wig.

All of the Lost Light Losers and the DJD gathered in front, holding pom poms and foam fingers of their favorite singers. Perceptor sat in the back with swerve, who had a giant band aid over his missing hand (see, he's nod dead).

Cyc took the stage first, singing the entirety of Bohemian Rhapsody all by himself. Somehow he pulled it off, and everyone there cried near the end. Tailgate woke up from his nap in the hole just to sob about it. Tailgates tears wetting the ground behind him, Cyclonus had to walk off of the stage with a midget clinging to his leg.

Next was Tarn's turn, and honest, he was nervous. That last thing was _really good_. He'll have to step up his game.

Tarn shuffled onto stage. All six people who actually liked him started cheering for him to start imemdiately and shut right the hell up when he finally opened him mouth.

 _You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life_

 _See that girl, watch that scene, digging the Dancing Queen_

 _Friday night and the lights are low_

 _Looking out for the place to go_

 _Where they play the right music, getting in the swing_

 _You come in to look for a king_

 _Anybody could be that guy_

 _Night is young and the music's high_

 _With a bit of rock music, everything is fine_

 _You're in the mood for a dance_

 _And when you get the chance..._

 _You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen_

 _Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine_

 _You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life_

 _See that girl, watch that scene, digging the Dancing Queen_

 _You're a teaser, you turn 'em on_

 _Leave them burning and then you're gone_

 _Looking out for another, anyone will do_

 _You're in the mood for a dance_

 _And when you get the chance..._

 _You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen_

 _Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine_

 _You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life_

 _See that girl, watch that scene, digging the Dancing Queen_

The croud was emotional. And then the crowd looked stifled. A few people sitting in front died because the singing was so beautfiul (notbecause tarn killed them with his voice). There was a pause after he ended and then the crowd SCREAMED.

Tarn teared up. They loved him….They really loved him! He looked at megatron, who nodded at him and smirked and-

Tarn woke up. He had fainted after singing. There were dead bodies everywhere and the stage was on fiare. What happend?

Elsewhere... Starscream was steaming into his phone. "SHOCKWAVE, they wont LISTEN to meeee! The """"clothes"""" talked liek you said but they were kind of scary."

"Well," Shockwave said, he sounded tired. He _always_ sounded tired, Starscream though. "Have you tried fighting them?"

Starscream was OFFENDED. "Me? A weak noodle man who is more useful telling other people what to do than doing things, fighting an ARMY?" He growled, "What the heck do you take me for, a common commoner?"

Shockwave signed and tapped a button "Fine. I'll send help, but he won't be happy. We need to get gegatron prepared."

Starscream snapped his phone shut and huffed. He looked at hte fire in the distance. Hoefully Shockwave sent competnet people instead of cheap knockoffs like genericons or steves. Starscream was so tired of steves. Steves and bobs and jefferies and ricks- god, FUCK ricks!

Starscream thought of megatron. Fuck _him_ too. He daydreamed a little about that phrase in a literal sense, and jogged off to a properly sized bush to juice his baby generating tube.


End file.
